Lesley’s Magic Blog
Hi, I’m Lesley. I’m a writer. Join me on my weekly whirl of adventures.

Jan
07

For any of you who are still looking at this page, just want to let you know that I gave my blog a facelift of sorts and I’m now blogging on THIS NEW PAGE

you can also cut and paste the address: http://robotballoon2.wordpress.com/

It’s got all my old blog posts on it, plus new ones! Plus it has a cartoon I drew of myself, which I think is awesome. See ya there…

Nov
16

Well, it’s time to give again to celebrate Thanksgiving. With the help of of the Thanks Rock 47b7d626b3127cceb9771ce9664600000036101aznmlfm2zmx rock. I’m so excited!

Ok, first of all, I’m 47b7d626b3127cceb9771ce9664600000036101aznmlfm2zmxful for WATERBEDS.
Ahh, waterbeds. They’re like sleeping on a hot bladder that moves.

I’d also like to say
47b7d626b3127cceb9771ce9664600000036101aznmlfm2zmx to

Uch…..I can’t follow much of a coherent thought pattern tonight. Do I really have to list a bunch of crap that I’m Thankful for? God WHO CARES? It’s Saturday night and I’m ALONE and listening to the Tic Tac Dough theme and going…THIS IS MY LIFE? THIS IS IT?

FINE. SO BE IT. I look destiny in the face and say47b7d626b3127cceb9771ce9664600000036101aznmlfm2zmx
JUST WHAT I WANTED. YOU HEARD ME.

I need to get up and stretch and dance. Dance everybody! Dance to the Tic Tac Dough Theme! Come on! DANCE! DANCE! GET UP! GET UP!

That was empowering. I feel better. Yes, quite a Network moment for me.

Well, that’s it. I pretty much don’t know how to end this. Awkward.

So here’s this Corey Feldman clip to distract you while I run away.

What? That’s it. Is there a problem? Did you want to say something to me? NO? Fantastic.

47b7d626b3127cceb9771ce9664600000036101aznmlfm2zmx

Oct
29

The Election is almost here and we’re all going crazy. So my pal Mikel and I thought we could get our minds off of it by watching the movie Timecop together. How wrong we were.

For for those of you who don’t know, this is Mikel. We do a lot of movie “commenting” together.

Now back to Timecop!

What’s Timecop about? I watched it and I still don’t know. I’m just cutting and pasting what the DVD sleeve from Netflix said:

It’s 1994, and policeman Max Walker (Claude Van Damme) has just watched his wife (Mia Sara) die when their home is blown to bits by criminals…… When Walker goes back in time to stop a corrupt senator, he learns that his wife’s death was actually an attack on him — for something he hadn’t even done … yet.

Well that cleared things up, didn’t it? Ironically, when we just gave up and watched Timecop, we discovered that the movie actually makes sense in the context of time!!!! Why? Because Timecop is JUST LIKE THE 2008 ELECTION.

With that in mind, here are our most significant comments during the film. Read on!

Me: Timecop!

Mikel: Now with bad font.

Me: It is SO HOT in here, isn’t it? Am I screaming?

Mikel: You are screaming, yes….Let’s preface this. It is October, 2008…

Me: October, 2008 TM!

Me: Meanwhile…Washington! The present! Of…1994.

Me: They’re all asking each other for money for Time Travel.

Mikel: That would be like asking for time travel money now!

Me: Yeah! They should travel through time to Fall of 2008. And ask for money. From the GOVERNMENT.

Mikel: God, stop yelling!

Me: FOR MONEY!

Fast forward to Wall Street…..1929! What?

Mikel: Who knew we’d pick the perfect Recession movie?

Lesley: This is SUCH a perfect Recession movie!

So, here’s a bad guy from the future. Of 1994. He’s cheating on the 1929 stockmarket.

And he has a MIDI-player.

Mikel: Is that a MIDI player from 1994?

Lesley: Now use your giant cell phone!

Mikel: Oh, great, Jean Claude Can Damme just walked into 1929.

Lesley: Through a wormhole. He is mad. He does not like these shenanigans.

Mikel: 23 Skidoo! In your face!

Meanwhile, back in…the…future of the…present…? Whatever. Any there’s an election going on. See?

And people couldn’t be more excited. Also, Ron Silver (playing formidable Senator McCombe) is running for president. McCombe is using a government time machine to go back in time and rig the election. No, I don’t know how. Just leave me alone!

Mikel: Really? There’s a guy named MCCOMBE, running for president?

Lesley: I know, right?

Mikel: He’s a real maverick, that MCCOMBE.

Lesley: Both of him!

McCombe did lots of bad stuff earlier….. but then Walker goes back in time to stop him…by having this conversation?

And Ron Silver talks about how Time Travel should be eliminated because the economy is bad.

Mikel: Are you saying you want to regulate things? Because we believe in Time Travel regulating itself. And until Alan Greenspan comes down here and says that he made a colossal error in judgment about Time Travel, then I want you to to shut your hole.

Lesley: We’re still putting Greenspan on the Wormhole Cabinet.

Our political commentary faded out from there. But let me leave you with this final image:

To me, this image represents the split between America’s Democratic and Republican parties. The sharp, painful…uncomfortable…sweaty…split. Well illustrated, Timecop. We as a nation thank you and salute you.

Happy Election Everyone! God Bless America and Vancouver! For Timecop!

Sep
25

Sorry I haven’t been blogging! More blog soon.

Aug
19

My wonderful Grandfather passed away at the age of 90 this month. For those of you who knew him or heard me talk about him, I’m so glad you did. For those who never met him, I’ll just say that he was a loving, giving, incredibly bright and loyal man, and he helped to make me who I am today.

One of Grandpa’s favorite quotes was from Rabbi Hillel who said: ” If I am not for myself, who will be for me? If I am not for others, what am I? And if not now, when?” Grandpa always said this to me to help give me strength, or inspiration, or just to remind me about what a good quote it is.

Just wanted to share some quotes of his with you.

Grandpa’s Quotes

“Hellooooo (insert name here)!!!!!”

” What do you want to eat? We’ve got turkey, we got pasta, we got meatloaf , we got zuppa zuppa (soup)…. we got cake…we got everything. Try everything”

“We had a dog on our farm that was so fast. He would zip around the house and he would zip here…and he would zip there…and zip around…and we called him…ummmm….Zippy!”

“You are a wonderful, special, intelligent, beautiful person. Don’t let anyone tell you different.” (That was to me.) ;)

And finally, the one he said all the time……

“Beautiful”.

Thanks, Grandpa. I love ya.

Jul
30

As most of you know, we had a 5.4 earthquake yesterday in Southern California. No catastrophes reported yet, thank goodness. Then, everybody got a hold of each other on Facebook and it was OK.

It was pretty scary when it was happening, though. A very long 30 seconds. It was intense enough to disrupt the Judge Judy show.

How much weirder could the day get? Well, today I ALSO found out that there’s going to be an outdoor screening of Phantasm in LA. And only 2 days ago I had said” “Hey, you know what they should show outside in LA? Phantasm!”!!!!

*

* Not Phantasm (Go Brewers!)

Sorry. We’ve had enough scary earthquake stuff, today, so no scary Phantasm pics. Instead, we’ll have cute stuffed animals. Well, actually, I keep looking for cute stuffed animals, but I keep stumbling upon mildly unsettling stuffed animals. Hey, not to go off on a tangent, but WHAT IS THIS?

It’s listed as a “Ducksheep”. Great, NOW it’s not upsetting. I’m buying this thing just to keep it off the market. And I’m naming it “Phantasm”.

Oh, and I’m also going to buy THIS MUSTACHE STUFFED ANIMAL and name it Phantasm II. What the..?

Um…..to sum up…..everyone was OK from the earthquake and I found out that I’m psychically linked to Phantasm. Or this mustache. Whatever.

Jul
25

JEAN-BAPTISTE EMMANUEL ZORG from The Fifth Element

So that’s a wedge cut
No really, it’s fine
I’ll just sit here quietly

THE HORNED KING from The Black Cauldron

You’re so scary…wait
John Hurt?… IS THAT YOU IN THERE?
Thanks for calling back!!!!!

JACKSON RIPPNER FROM RED EYE

Hey, sexy evil hitman
If you sit next to me
On my flight to Milwaukee
I’ll try to change you
And you’ll stop killing people
And then you’ll say
“THANKS LESLEY, I LOVE YOU”. *

*not Haiku

SENATOR PALPATINE a.k.a. THE EMPEROR from Return of the Jedi

Wow, I know, me, too!
I love modern design, too
What is wrong with me

THAT THING IN KRULL from Krull

Hey um excuse me
Could you sign my Yearbook for…
No? I…OK…bye

Jul
17

I’m back in LA for what I’m tentatively guessing will be oh…at least awhile.

In order to get back to LA reality, my weekend back was as follows:

1) Attend student showcase for Mikel’s trapeze class. It is awesome and includes a fog machine.

2) Immediately after the show, go to a trendy LA bar for a snack and to watch people dressed up like extras from the movie The Apple.

3) Drive home and see 3 guys standing outside the 99 cent store dressed in Pilgrim costumes that looked like they were designed by Prince.

4) Go to beach the following day dressed like trollop. Pretend Mystik tan is sexy genetics.

5) Fall asleep drooling on couch watching the 1979 movie Time After Time. while still wearing bikini.

Good to be back.

Jul
01

So. Where have I been? Wait..where am I now? Oh, LA! Back in LA. Which is not Wisconsin. (Pictured above). Which is where I’ve been. Until now. And now I’m back in Wisconsin.

Sorry, can’t help you. It’s been pretty hectic lately.

I’ve been jumping in and out. I was in Milwaukee for ten days in early June, where there were floods and tornado warnings and sirens and unearthly storms. Then I was back in LA where I sank, lizardlike, back into the smog and lights and fire and sun. I’m possibly living out the Old Testament or a really horrible episode of Quantum Leap or both.

So I’m back in Wisconsin, where I’ll probably get swallowed by a whale and turn into a pillar of salt and be beaten savagely by Joseph and the Amazing his Technicolor Dreamcoat when we inevitably run into each other at Pick N’ Save and have a fight about who is more disoriented.

Not a complaint. It’s just a heightened version of what I’ve done for awhile, straddling these two places, now made blurrier with Facebook and Skype and various personal events which are making me emerge out of some part of myself like I’m stepping out of some old, cracked snakeskin. Hopefully, I’ll leave it on the ground and not be tempted to pick it up, ball it up in my purse and try pull it back on later like some horrible dress.

It does get a little strange and I forget where I am sometimes. Bear with me. I joke that it’s weird but it really is getting intense.

That’s why it’s important to keep up with the latest local Los Angeles/Milwaukee television. It keeps me grounded in reality. Thank goodness I live in reality.

* This clip takes a little time to load. Worth it, though.

Hey, that’s a little cold. I can’t wait to get back to LA television. Or at least, television that pretends to be like LA. Or a show that pretends that it exists.

Yeah, this is my new theme song, I think. Really.

May
28

You can tell that I’m getting ready to go back to Milwaukee for a visit soon. That’s why I keep surfing YouTube for commercials like the one below. Enjoy, and keep watching for the SUBTITLE.

Oh, and by the way, I’m related to these guys. Oh, and we had 800 Pontiacs from them. And I never got a doll from them. I’m still waiting. Still…..waiting….

Here’s another Phil Tolken ad at Northridge Mall. Which, by the way, was my favorite defunct Milwaukee Mall. Now with limited lighting options!

Isn’t May a great time to post a Christmas Commercial? Yes, it is. Three cheers for Northridge Mall, not to be confused with the set of Logan’s Run.

Eccch. This post is sooooo scattered. How can I make it worse? Oh, I know! Here’s some film that some guys made in an attempt at wackiness at what I’m guessing is the early 90’s in Milwaukee at Northridge Mall.

Those of you who didn’t grow up with this mall, I’m sorry. Those who did, I’m also sorry, but you’ll see some old footage of Northridge at about a minute and a half in. Yeah, also, anyone who makes it through this video gets a FREE CABBAGE PATCH DOLL.

Oh, and if you can make it through this one, you have my eternal respect for your courage.

Oh right, what was this post about? Milwaukee? This post was about something? Well, it’s too late to make sense out of this. I think everyone went offline by now to splash cold water on their face and end their friendship with me.

Goodnight, Nobody!

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